Poems : My Neighbour

My Neighbour

Every day, night, dawn, twilight, afternoon, evening,
my neighbour will always having a party,
it's like he never sleeps,
he never rest,
he never feel tired,
he just keeps banging and singing and do everything to make me feel angry,
to make me feel I want to kill him for being alive.

Every day, night, dawn, twilight, afternoon, evening,
my neighbour will keeps the radio on,
increasing the volume until I can't even hear my own voice,
my own thoughts,
my own heart saying,
keeping my friends and family from coming to my house,
because they can't stand the noise and the voice from my neighbour.

One day, I confront my neighbour,
we fight like there's no tomorrow,
we fight and fight,
till someone shake my shoulder and I wake up.

That neighbour is not exist,
I was confronting my own demon,
inside my own head,
I was in my room,
shouting at my mirror,
at my self reflection,
for being rude towards me,
but he just walk away without even said a thing.

I was left alone,
but that noise,
his voice that keeps hunting me
every night, every day, every dawn, twilight, afternoon and evening was still there,
so I shut myself,
and it left me to follow his master towards that light and never come back,
and so am I.

For more poems, Click here.

More about Bipolar Disorder

Dengan nama Allah yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang.

Salam dan selawat kepada Nabi Muhammad SAW, ahli keluarga, serta para sahabat baginda. Semoga kita dimasukkan ke syurga yang sama dengan Kekasih kita, dengan izin pencipta ala mini.

Assalamulaikum dan selamat sejahtera penduduk bumi sekalian.

The last time I updated my blog, I was talking about Bipolar Disorder and it's symptoms. Today, I want to talk about the causes of Bipolar Disorder and maybe about the medicine that I am taking right now.

Okay, so the cause of Bipolar Diorder are various and it's not the same to other patient.

According to http://psychcentral.com/, (You can click on the link if you want extra information about Bipolar Disorder), the causes to Bipolar Disorder may be genetic, neurochemical and environmental factors.

According to Hidayah websites, the causes of Bipolar Disorder may be because of the changes of the patients environment. In my case, tranferred to different schools because I tranferred to a lot of schools when I was in my school year.

I started my mental illness when I was 14 years old. It was my second school after my school in Hulu Perak. It was okay but, depression caught up with me. I didn't want to go to that school anymore than I want to be alive. Then I tranferred to a school near the Ipoh Stadium. That's when my depression becomes a lot worse. This was when I didn't go to school for almost a year.

My first hypomanic episode starts when I was in my foundation year. It was 2012, and I was having the most religious moment in my life. I wasn't aware that I was having hypomanic episode until I was diognisis. I was having my depression episode when I was waiting for degree results.

I was having my seconds hypomanic episodes in 2013 when I just finish my 3^rd sem because I failed 1 subject for my foundation. I like to do adventure stuff. I went to Johor, I went to Shah Alam and many other place. I spend money more than usual, short long story, all the symptoms were there.

That's for the cause and example of episodes that I was having. Next, I'm going to talk about the medication that I'm taking. The name of the medication is Seroquel XR. You can google it, you can search for it's symptoms on google.

The doctor gave me 100mg for the first week, the he increased the dose to 200mg for the second week, increased to 300mg for the third week and now 400mg for the rest of one month.

The effects of the medication are dizziness, sleepiness, tiredness, etc. The feeling of commiting suicide will increased for the first 2 to 3 weeks. The feeling of sleepiness will also decreased after a few weeks of consuming this medicine.

I think that's all for this time. Please pray for me.

If you think your family, friends or anyone who is close to you are having Bipolar disorder symptoms please confirm it with the psychiatrist immediately before it's too late.

That's all for now.

ZeeFadziruddin

Bipolar Disorder : Official diagnosis

Dengan nama Allah yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang.

Salam dan selawat kepada Nabi Muhammad SAW, ahli keluarga, serta para sahabat baginda. Semoga kita dimasukkan ke syurga yang sama dengan Kekasih kita, dengan izin pencipta ala mini.

Assalamulaikum dan selamat sejahtera penduduk bumi sekalian.

It's been 2 to 3 months since I last update my blog. I don't know if my blog has reader or something but I'm just gonna update myself for my future self. It's been an awful month, there's a lot of thing that happened and a lot more to come. 

I've diagnosis myself as someone who has a bipolar disorder since 2014 but I never really went to a doctor or psychiatrist to really have the official diagnose and everything, but my depression were getting more and more serious so I decided to visit the psychiatrist last thursday (7 May 2015) and, I can say fortunately because I was right about having bipolar disorder. I tried to remember the event and the episodes I'm having while growing up. Well, let just say, I've been having Bipolar Disorder since the age of 14.

Now, for those who didn't know what is BIPOLAR DISORDER.

BIPOLAR DISORDER is a mood disorder ranging from depressive lows to manic highs. For example, you can be happy for one second and be mad the next. This disorder effects our relationship with others, friends and maybe family who doesn't understand this illness. But, that's not the only symptoms of Bipolar Disorder. There are two episodes in Bipolar Disorder. One is mania or hypomanic, second is depression. 

Mania is the stage when you feel 

- the feeling on top of the world, can do anything, heck, you feel you can save the world, or be famous within minutes

- less need of sleep

- easily mad at something or someone or short long story you're having a mood swing

- can't concentrate on one thing at time, making grand and unrealistic plan or making a plan that is not finished

- doing things according to your heart

- spending money excess ability

Depression is the stage when you feel

- sad

- hopeless

- useless

- the absence of energy

- the excessive of the need to sleep

- trouble making decision

- Suicidal thought

- attempting suicide

- irritably (Displeasure)

If you have these symptoms, please go to the nearest clinic, ask for referee letter to psychiatrist and go to psychiatrist unit. Confirm you illness because it will help you a lot. People will just have adapt with your situation because remember, you didn't ask for this.

If your friends have these symptoms, support her, don't leave her alone, give your best to hear her stories.

Maybe we can discuss about the cause of this illness in the next entry.

ZeeFadziruddin

Perak -> Selangor -> Pahang -> Johor -> Perak

Dengan nama Allah yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang.

Salam dan selawat kepada Nabi Muhammad SAW, ahli keluarga, serta para sahabat baginda. Semoga kita dimasukkan ke syurga yang sama dengan Kekasih kita, dengan izin pencipta ala mini.

Assalamulaikum dan selamat sejahtera penduduk bumi sekalian.

Pada 17 - 26 haribulan Januari 2015, kembar saya dan saya telah pergi ke beberapa buah negeri di malaysia untuk shooting short film bersama dengan Anomalist Production.

Perak -> Selangor -> Pahang -> Johor -> Perak

17 haribulan sebelum bertolak ke Selangor

PERAK -> Selangor -> Pahang -> Johor -> Perak

On the way ke Stesen Keretapi Ipoh untuk ke Selangor

On the way ke Stesen Keretapi Ipoh untuk ke Selangor 2

On the way ke Stesen Keretapi Ipoh untuk ke Selangor 3

On the way ke Stesen Keretapi Ipoh untuk ke Selangor 4

Dalam ETS menuju ke Selangor

Dalam ETS menuju ke Selangor 2

 Perak -> SELANGOR -> Pahang -> Johor -> Perak

Meeting pertama untuk short film Asam Pedas

Script reading untuk Asam Pedas

18 haribulan, mula shoot untuk Asam Pedas. Masa shooting hanyalah sehari.

Shooting day Asam Pedas

Shooting day Asam Pedas 2

Shooting day Asam Pedas 3

Shooting day Asam Pedas 4

Pada 19, kami berjumpa dengan seorang kawan twitter, salah seorang ex curator twt asasi. Mira.

dan sempat untuk basuh baju :)

Meeting untuk 4 lagi short film, Kotak, Rusa, Santai, dan Setuju. Salah seorang daripada krew tidak dapat menyertai kami kerana mempunyai urusan lain.

Meeting untuk 4 lagi short film

Then kitorang tukar lokasi ke taman perumahan Nana dan Reena.

Meeting untuk 4 lagi short film 2

Meeting untuk 4 lagi short film 3

Meeting untuk 4 lagi short film 4

 Perak -> Selangor -> PAHANG -> Johor -> Perak

Dalam perjalanan ke lokasi shooting iaitu Kuantan Pahang

Teluk Cempedak Kuantan

Esplanade Kuantan

Esplanade Kuantan

Esplanade Kuantan

Esplanade Kuantan

Shooting day untuk Kotak.

Sampai terbaring-baring cameraman shoot.

Antara gambar di sana.

Kula Cakes

Sambil shooting sambil kita makan cake yang sangat sedap dekat sini. Terima kasih Kula Cakes sebab sudi terima kami untuk shooting dekat situ.

Mango cake dia sangat sedap. Wajib beli. rasa mango dia dekat atas tu, kemudian minum pulak dengan air pandan dia. Korang takkan menyesal datang situ.

Bersebelahan Teluk Cempedak

Selepas tamat shooting di Pahang, then kitorang terus ke Johor

Perak -> Selangor -> Pahang -> JOHOR -> Perak

UTHM

UTHM 2

UTHM 3

UTHM 4

Ais krim pasu

Sempat merasa ais skrim pasu dekat Muar, Johor.

Selepas Muar, kami menaiki bas untuk pulang ke Perak.

Perak -> Selangor -> Pahang -> Johor -> PERAK

Dengan berakhirnya pengembaraan ini, aku harap ada lagi adventure yang macam ni di masa hadapan. Dari satu negeri ke satu negeri.

THE END

for now....

Update!

Dengan nama Allah yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang.

Salam dan selawat kepada Nabi Muhammad SAW, ahli keluarga, serta para sahabat baginda. Semoga kita dimasukkan ke syurga yang sama dengan Kekasih kita, dengan izin pencipta ala mini.

Assalamulaikum dan selamat sejahtera penduduk bumi sekalian.

UPDATE for Kelab Pengurusan Anomalist;

Kelab Pengurusan Anomalist sedang mencari karya baru untuk semester baru untuk Projek Kamu 3. Kepada sesiapa yang tidak tahu apa itu Projek Kamu, Projek Kamu adalah singkatan kepada Projek Karya Anak Muda. Projek Kamu diadakan untuk menyerlahkan bakat anak muda terutamanya dalam bidang Teater.

Kepada sesiapa yang berminat menulis, sedang menulis atau sudah siap menulis dan ingin melihat karya anda dipentaskan, boleh hubungi Allan (0192552151) atau Kacang (0146399021)

Projek Kamu 3 by Kelab Pengurusan Anomalist

Anomalist Production has done their shooting for 6 short films. They will release it on their youtube channel soon. The titles are

1. Gerabak arahan Nisa Othman
2. Asam Pedas arahan Zee Fadziruddin
3. Kotak arahan Zee Fadziruddin
4. Rusa arahan Zee Fadziruddin
5. Santai arahan Khairi Anwar
6. Setuju arahan Khairi Anwar

Nantikannya di channel youtube Anomalist Production.

Zee Fadziruddin

What's up?

Dengan nama Allah yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang.

Salam dan selawat kepada Nabi Muhammad SAW, ahli keluarga, serta para sahabat baginda. Semoga kita dimasukkan ke syurga yang sama dengan Kekasih kita, dengan izin pencipta ala mini.

Assalamulaikum dan selamat sejahtera penduduk bumi sekalian.

As you can see, lama sangat tak update blog, so this entry might be a little bit longer than usual. Nak cakap pasal a few theatre yang aku pergi like Diploma Art Showcase early this year, Projek Kamu 2 around april, and Koleksi Penuh Shakespeare around may and Saksi Terakhir earlier June. Ini adalah untuk first half year of 2014.

Projek Kamu 2 by Kelab Pengurusan Anomalist

Saksi Terakhir by Kelab Pengurusan Anomalist

Then masuk sem baru. I've join Kelab Pengurusan Anomalist and again, I've met with so many talented people. We started the semester with Unlock 3.0. Unlock is an event which we let the people know about Anomalist. We have our anual event after that; Art Fest with so many event in it, such as theater, poems, bands and many more. We closed the semester with a theater that was #SeratusLapanPuluh.

Unlock 3.0 by Kelab Pengurusan Anomalist

Art Fest by Kelab Pengurusan Anomalist

I've started this year with shooting my first short film, I mean short films. We've shoot 5 short film for KL Drama Fest Competition and Kampungku Competition under Anomalist Production. Unfortunately, we couldn't uploaded the short films for KL Drama Fest. But I hope, KL Drama Fest extend the due date because lots of people couldn't uploaded their short films too. So, I'm hoping for the best. 

For those who don't know the difference for Kelab Pengurusan Anomalist and Anomalist Production, Kelab Pengurusan Anomalist is a club under UiTM while Anomalist Production is a production house which have been registered.

I'll update about Kelab Anomalist Production's activity for next semester and upcoming Anomalist Production's activity.

Zee Fadziruddin